


Timesheet Day

by stargatefan_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-31
Updated: 2013-12-31
Packaged: 2018-10-07 01:48:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10349664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stargatefan_archivist/pseuds/stargatefan_archivist
Summary: Spoilers: "Entity", "Holiday", "TBFtGoG" - all minorI have to fill in a timesheet every week - how would the members of SG-1cope?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Yuma, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [Stargatefan.com](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Stargatefan.com). To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [StargateFan Archive Collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/StargateFan_Archive_Collection).

Timesheet Day

##  Timesheet Day

##### Written by Athene   
Comments? Write to us at [goddess.Athene@ntlworld.com](mailto:goddess.Athene@ntlworld.com)

  * SPOILERS: Holiday, Entity, TBFTGOG - all minor 
  * SUMMARY: I have to fill in a timesheet every week - how would the members of SG-1 cope? 
  * PG13 



* * *

Dr Daniel Jackson sat in front of his computer, staring at the blank form on the screen.

‘I really should do this as I go along’, he thought to himself for the umpteenth time in an hour. ‘And I really, _really_ shouldn’t have had that second drink at Colonel Smith’s retirement bash this lunchtime.’ His head was pounding, and he was having trouble concentrating. Not being much of a drinker at the best of times, Daniel had only gone to the party under protest, forced along by Jack O’Neill, who had then kept his glass topped up so Daniel had no idea how much he’d actually drunk. He also suspected that Jack had spiked the orange juice Daniel had finally insisted upon with vodka. Daniel rubbed his eyes in an attempt to bring the world back into sharp focus, and tried to concentrate on the task in hand.

Someone, somewhere high up in the chain of command had decided that they didn’t know what everyone at the SGC was doing, and that this project was costing a lot of money, so they would like to know _exactly_ what they were paying for. So they had introduced timesheets. Everyone on base now had to fill in a timesheet every week, breaking down their time into blocks of 15 minutes.  

“Okay,” muttered Daniel, as he drew the list of available time codes towards him. “I spent two days off world, so that’s easy, and I’ve spent a day on that translation work…” He found the two codes he needed, and started assigning his time.

A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. Jack sauntered in without waiting to be asked.

“Hey Daniel! Watcha doin’?”

“Timesheet…done yours yet?”

“Yep! Easy.”

“Easy? How?”

“Two days off world, three days team management and admin, two days standby.” He looked at Daniel’s. “Not done much so far, have you?”

“That’s the trouble, I’ve done loads of work this week, I just can’t remember what.” He rifled through the papers on his desk. “And it’s not just that, they want things broken down into ridiculous categories…look!” Jack stared at where he was pointing. 

“Research – Goa’uld research, Stargate research, Wormhole research, medical research, anthropological research, archaeological research…. and there’s task categories under that – book work, internet work, lab work, field work – the whole thing is ridiculous!” Daniel got up and filled up his empty coffee cup.

“I don’t see coffee drinking on this list,” murmured Jack, scanning the codes.

“They don’t have a code for wasting your time answering dumb-assed questions either, Jack” Jack pulled a face. 

“Hey, admit it my dumb-assed questions are the highlight of your day, aren’t they?” Daniel just gave him one of those sideways looks in reply. 

“Have you broken down your off world time yet?”

“Sorry?”

“There are task codes to break down every major time code.” Daniel grabbed the sheet. “See – meet and greet, hostile, treaty negotiation, archaeological digs, battle, search and rescue….”

“They got anything for being seduced by beautiful alien princesses?” 

“Jack!”

“Well, you seem to spend a lot of your time doing that. And getting bashed by hostiles.”

“No I don’t”

“Do soooo! What they got for time in the infirmary?”

“Sick, I guess.”

“What they got for having body stolen by an alien?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Ma’chello – duh! And Carter with that computer virus thingy…you’d both need that time code.”

“I don’t think these codes fit half of what we do.” Said Daniel, ignoring Jack. “There’s nothing for Alternate Universes, or getting lost in the time line, or…or…”

“Or saving the world umpteen times because we’re the good guys!”

“That’s right.” The two of them sat in silence for a while, then Jack leant forward.

“I’ve posted my sheet,” he said. Daniel looked at him, an unasked question in his eyes. “But we could have a lot of fun with yours”

“Jack, no! They’ll know it’s a fraud.”

“No they won’t, not if we’re clever” Daniel raised his eyebrows. “Ok if _you’re_ clever” Jack leaned back. “You game?”

Daniel pursed his lips. Then he smiled. 

“Go on – it’s a pointless task anyway – I can’t remember exactly what I’ve been doing all week. I’ve been stuck in here with my head in books most of the week” As Daniel reached up under his glasses to rub his eyes, Jack grinned.

“I’ve got the power to add new time codes if there aren’t enough”

“Aren’t enough? There are 200 here already.”

“But as you so rightly pointed out, Danny Boy, those 200 hundred codes don’t cover half of what we do!”

Daniel grimaced, and then the two of them set about their task.

* 

The following Monday, General Hammond, settled down to go through the timesheets that had been submitted the previous Friday.

Only two showed up on the anomalies report. That was good, Hammond thought. Then he saw who the two timesheets belonged to, and his heart sank. “Jack O’Neill, what have you been up to?” He studied the report – Jack’s timesheet was a simple anomaly – no task codes. That was to be expected, Jack wasn’t the kind of man to worry about the details on a thing like a timesheet. Hammond expected Dr Jackson’s timesheet to have a similar problem, until he read the report.

His blood pressure rising, he leapt to his feet, and grabbed the phone.

“Colonel O’Neill! I want to see you and Dr Jackson in my office, now!” He slammed the phone down. He read through the report again, and then he started to smile. Looking at some of the new, more creative time codes that Jack had created, he started to laugh. By the time Jack and Daniel had knocked on his office door, he had to wipe the tears away. He pulled himself together, and bade them enter. 

“You wanted to see us Sir?” Jack looked concerned.

“Colonel, Doctor, take a seat.” Hammond walked round and shut the door behind them. The two of them exchanged a look and shrugged as they sat down. 

“The new time recording protocol that has been installed by the Pentagon is not something to be taken lightly, gentlemen. It is the only method that we here at the SGC have of justifying what it is we do. Fortunately, most of the personnel on this base have given this task the proper attention it deserved. There were two exceptions, which is pretty good going on its first week out. Gentlemen, those two exceptions were you two.” Daniel squirmed in his seat and stared down at his hands. He winced. “Dr Jackson, I don’t doubt that the Colonel here was somehow behind your…. abuse of the timesheet..”

“It wasn’t entirely Jack, General. I ….er…went along with it.” He looked sheepishly over his glasses.

“Sir, ignore him. It was me. I encouraged him because I was bored with this whole…. red tape and bureaucracy crap that the Pentagon keeps coming up with…” Jack gave his CO a pained smile.

“Jack, I hold you both equally responsible. But honestly – these time codes!” He held up the printout of Daniel’s timesheet. “What’s this one supposed to represent? SG1HEROTWO?”

“That’s for whenever we save the world, Sir” Jack grimaced. It had seemed incredibly funny at the time, now he wasn’t so sure. 

“Two, colonel?”

“One is for when we save each other – it comes higher on our list of priorities, sir”

“Ok, so what’s SG1DANWHUP, as if I can’t guess?”

“When some nice alien or NID goon beats the crap out of Daniel – SICK didn’t seem to cover it Sir” Hammond was trying hard to keep a straight face, as he watched Daniel sinking lower and lower into the chair, as if he hoped it would swallow him up. He was fast coming out of the ‘Angry General’ mode that he’d put himself into, and Jack knew it, blast him. 

“OK, so explain this one, and also explain how Doctor Jackson has managed to book 32 hours to it in the last week?”

“Oh, that one. I think Daniel should explain that, he came up with the code…tell the General Danny” Jack looked very smug.

“Which code would that be?” Daniel was trying his best wide-eyed innocent look, and failing. The blush that was creeping over his face didn’t help. Hammond looked down at the list of non-standard timesheet codes. These two had been exceptionally creative, the General had to admit. 32 new time codes, all following the correct naming standards, allocated to the correct cost centre codes. Most impressive. Some of his favourites included SG1DANLOST, SG1JCKFRET, SG1TLCRESQ and SG1SAMNICE.

“Well it’s not SG1SAMKNOW or SG1TLTHUMP or even SG1JCKFISH. Those seem to be fairly self-explanatory. No, it’s this one…” Hammond held out the sheet of paper. Daniel took it, not looking at the General at all. Hammond was glad, otherwise he’d see that he was smiling now. He thought that if the young man blushed any harder, he would suffer a coronary, there was that much blood in his face.

“SG1DANCAFF?” Daniel volunteered hopefully.

“No, two lines below that.” 

“Ah, that one.”

“Yes Doctor, that one. SG1DANSEXY.” 

“It’s…it’s…ah…er” Hammond wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Daniel at quite such a loss for words.

“It’s to cover all those times when all those lovely young ladies we meet on far flung worlds throw themselves at young Danny here, and try to, uh, try to, you know.” Jack helpfully stepped into the breach.

“No Colonel, I don’t know. Perhaps you care to elaborate?”

“Jump his bones, Sir” Jack shrugged.

“It happens _that_ much, Doctor, that you need a time code for it? Jack, please…” he couldn’t keep a straight face any longer. “That code” He started to chuckle. Daniel looked up, shocked. He’d still thought that they were about to be hauled up in front of the Chief of Staff, and then he’d be out of the program. “Who tried to…jump your bones for 32 hours in the last week, Doctor?”

“Jack said that I had to put that much time down to that code every week, General…. because…” Daniel faltered, his blush resurfacing.

“…Because he has to account for all the time wasted by 90% of the female staff on this base. They all stand around watching his butt going down the corridor, and then talk about him for hours on end Sir. This man is single-handedly responsible for all the time wasted by all the women on base! Sir.” Jack finished with a flourish. Daniel stared at him, his mouth open. 

“That’s not what you told me Jack. You said they _thought_ about it. They talk about me?”

“Yup, I’ve heard them – Carter and Doc Fraiser are two of the worst. You should hear them in the infirmary when they think you’re asleep…”

“…They stare at me?” Daniel was amazed.

“Doctor! Colonel! If I could have your attention back just for a minute – can you please tell me what I am supposed to tell the Pentagon about these new codes, and the anomalies on your timesheets?”

“Just put it down to SG1OUTCTRL Sir.” Jack got up. “Come on Daniel, if that’s alright, General?”

“What? Ok – dismissed.” The two of them left, still arguing about whether the women on the base really viewed Daniel as a sex object.

Hammond scanned down the list of timesheet codes, looking for the description that would tell him what the code actually meant. 

Ah yes, here it was – SG1OUTCTRL – SG1 out of control due to alien equipment, viruses, sarcophaguses or just very, very drunk.

**The End**

  


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> This is my first attempt at a fanfic - many thanks to Lorna, Shaure and Denise for betaing and telling me I haven’t gone wrong in my madness...

* * *

> January 6, 2002 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film  
> Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. 

* * *

  



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